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Putik Lada by Andrew Yeap

Many times the phrase ‘agree to disagree’ is used to end an argument – even in heated discussions it is known to tone down voices and aggressiveness.

WE WERE taught since law school that lawyers should carry out their duty without fear or favour. What does this mean?

Well, it can mean different things for different people.

For us lawyers, it would be to pursue our clients’ interests. As such, lawyers argue, debate and reason just to get the best for our clients. We do whatever necessary to get our message across, trying to get others to agree and concur with us.

Sometimes we may get the message across and sometimes not. There is a saying, ”No two persons are exactly identical. No two minds think alike. Not even identical twins. Differences are bound to exist.”

The question is what happens when another person does not share our views. Can we agree to disagree? Is it the end when both sides cannot agree? What happens next? Do we just walk out?

Recently, we read in the newspapers regarding the phrase “agree to disagree”. It drew different responses from different groups of people. It seems harmless, but if used at the wrong place and at the wrong time, it can be disastrous.

Many times this phrase was used to end an argument. Sometimes, no matter how heated that argument might be when a person says “Let’s agree to disagree” we see voices and aggressiveness immediately tone down.

I have seen the effectiveness of “agree to disagree” in meetings, gatherings, fellowships and so on. These involve people who can accept others with different views. Some are of the opinion that if it is not a life-and-death issue then we should carry the attitude of agreeing to disagree.

Coming back to disagreeing with each other – lawyers face this issue daily regardless of the areas of law of practice.

We argue with fellow lawyers, government department officers, agents or even our own clients.

A recent example is when the Bar Council organised a forum on a topic that was deemed inappropriate by different groups of people. Their disagreement varied from the selection of speakers to the issue of history and sensitivity. Issues attract comments and, in a short time, from one view comes ten then hundreds then thousands.

Of course there are people who agree and disagree. Some say it should not be discussed at all but some think there is no harm in discussing the issue because doing so will clarify the matter.

The level of argument shows how mature one is. Imagine the situation when one is in an argument or dialogue, and that one who could not get their point across gets frustrated and starts to lose his temper. What do you think of such behaviour? Could it be kiasu, lack of sportsmanship or something else?

If I have issues that need discussion, I sometimes wonder where and to whom should I go to since many people are known to stick to their views only without even trying to see if they will agree with what I say. It will not be a beneficial discussion, as people will brush me off by, saying “it is a sensitive issue” or “none of your business”.

In our eagerness to pursue our argument and to paint the best-case scenario, sometimes we forget about the other side of the coin.

I find it shocking when people cut me off by saying, “it is understood”.

What you understand might not be the same with me. It goes the same with “it is sensitive”. What is sensitive to you might not be sensitive to me. This is just to illustrate how much we are carried away when we are so strong in pursuing or believing in a certain topic or case.

It is hoped that one day we can look into each other’s eyes and discuss issues with a high level of maturity without feeling offended. The saying of “do unto others what you want others do to you” always helps me.

We can argue and disagree but we can shake hands after that.

Well, we are destined to live with one another. We are citizens of the same country. Why make life difficult? Be merry and thankful that we have people around us who argue with us to make life interesting.

Can you imagine a life without argument?

> Putik Lada, or pepper buds in Malay, captures the spirit and intention of this column – a platform for young lawyers to articulate their views and aspirations about the law, justice and a civil society. For more information about the young lawyers, please visit www.malaysianbar.org.my/nylc

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