|
 Address by YA Dato' Vincent Ng Kim Khoay on marriage of his
son, Mr. Michael Ng on 30 November 2007
Y.Bhg. Datin Hamidah Chong, the graceful representative of YAA Dato’ Abdul Hamid
Haji Mohamad, President of Court of Appeal and Acting C.J., Puan Ambiga
Sreevenasan, Chairman of the Malaysian Bar Council, my brothers and sisters at
the Bench, my former brothers and sisters at law for over a score and six years,
Tan Sri-Tan Sri, Dato’ Sri-Dato Sri, Dato’-Dato’, Datin-Datin and my very dear
friends.
Surely, this auspicious occasion must concern the marriage
couple and the societal institution of marriage. About the bridegroom: from the
locale of tonight’s function you may have observed that my son Michael is an
incorrigible environmentalist. He rejected air-conditioning and has chosen to
make this public declaration of his union with his beloved wife in this
wonderful romantic setting of green grass, natural fresh air, a hoped for starry
skies, ivory coloured upholstery for the table and chairs placed before a cool
water backdrop and all conjoined with soft lilting string instruments music. I
thought I had guided Michael to focus and plan correctly. Little did I know that
he could focus so well, so as to be in accord with the future trend of greening
the Earth, and planed the whole works before he left or Australia. Furthermore,
his fixed focus did not, even for a moment, veer from the question of a good
father’s duty – which he is fully conscious he himself would have to assume
about 30 years hence – that is, to pick up the tab for all these relaxed
ambience where even the mosquitoes have deserted us.
Now, let me make some observations about Michael’s Adelene,
the chosen one. Michael first met Adelene during my first tour of duty as a
judge in Penang (for 4 ½ years) when he was in Form 3 at St. Xavier’s
Institution. Three months before he was due to sit for his SPM exam, I was
transferred (of course not at my request) to Kangar, Perlis. Michael had, though
under protest, to follow us yet he kept in constant contact with Adelene. After
2 years 10 months I was transferred to Alor Star, Kedah where I served for 2
more years before I was persuaded by Y. Bhg. Tun Mohamad Dzaiddin to move down
to Kuala Lumpur to head the Commercial Division. I must say that it turned out
to be a privilege to serve Perlis and Kedah. It is of interest to note that good
judges like Y. Bhg. Dato’ K.C. Vohrah, YA Dato’ Hishamuddin, YAA Dato’ Alauddin,
YA Dato’ Ariffin Zakaria and even the late Tun Suffian have served in Alor Star.
Alor Star was then an attractive town to be transferred to –
perhaps attractive to the transferor rather than the transferees, if I could use
the such a term. Of course, if we are short of words we could always say
“correct, correct, correct, correct”. All the years that I was in Kangar, Alor
Star and Kuala Lumpur, Michael still kept in close contact with Adelene. My wife
and I often wondered why their relationship was on such abiding and firm
footing. His attention and focus was never, even for a moment, averted to any
other girl. I couldn’t appreciate the reason why this was so until we got to
really know Adelene, after a few years. Clearly, the reason is that Michael’s
girl is so much like his mother, in character and disposition. Of course it is
my hope that Adelene has chosen Michael because he so much like his father, but
that would be presumptuous of me. Well, as many have said: “Michael is a chip of
the old block”. If you know my character, need I say more?
Young single women today faced a serious problem when it
comes to finding a prospective husband, due to the following observations. It
has been said that “Fifty per cent of all available men are married or
spoken for. Another 30 per cent are gay and a further 10 per cent are jerks.
This would mean that single women have so little choice as they are running
around trying to attract only 10 per cent of men”. You may, through your own
observation, assign your own percentages to the above, but the gist of this
observation is not wholly baseless. Then, there is also this audacious but
humorous comment by a wit as to why ladies today are still single: “Nice men are
ugly; handsome men are not nice; handsome and nice men are gay; handsome, nice
and heterosexual men are married; men who are not so handsome, but are nice men,
have no money; men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money, think
women are only after their money; handsome men without money are after women’s
money; handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think
women are beautiful enough; men that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have
money and who think women are beautiful, are cowards; men who are somewhat
handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank god are heterosexual, are
shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!; men who never make the first move,
automatically lose interest in women when they take the initiative. Now, who the
hell understands men?”. So, having carefully observed and tested the character
of Michael and Adelene, I am convinced that they are indeed within the lucky 10
per cent in their mutual choice.
Let us consider the institution of marriage, of which much
have been said and advised. Cyril Connally says that: “The particular charm of
marriage is the duologue, the permanent conversation between two people who talk
over everything and everyone. A happy marriage is a long conversation that
always seems too short”. Don Fraser and Doug Larson have opined that: “A happy
home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be
right, though neither believes it” and “More marriages survive if the partners
realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” On the other hand let
me now quote the famous centenarian Mr. George Burns who declared: “Lots pf
people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It’s
simple – we didn’t do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that
they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you
work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get
grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start
fighting you’re out of business.” This man lived to 101 years old. I don’t
believe him, so I won’t live to a hundred – perhaps only long enough to write my
memoirs. But he is a comedian who would think you are crazy if you believe him.
Then, there is one Mr. Ogden Nash who wrote that: “To keep your marriage
brimming with love in a loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you
are right shut up”. Well, if you agree with his last advice, don’t marry a good
judge, for he will never shut up if he thinks he is right.
To all those who have irretrievably tied the knot my advice
is to be fair and gracious to each other and think positively. And, to all those
who intend to commit themselves to a marriage partnership, do chose a spouse
with the right genes. Here you have a choice, unlike what I have said about how
to be a good judge: “it is easy, just have the right genes”. The following
excerpts from my address to the Perak Barristers of the Inns of Court, London at
a dinner in Syuen Hotel, Ipoh on 16th February 2001 (see (2001)2MLJ pg.xxxvii),
could bear recall:
“In this critical periods of judicial history, what,
you may wish to ask, are the essential qualities of a judge? In my opinion, when
considering a candidate for this high office, which exclusively involves the
dispensation of (and not dispensing with) justice, the qualities to look for are
in the following order of priority: (i) intellectual honesty with unquestionable
probity and integrity; (ii) analytical prowess; (iii) industry and a good
command of language; (iv) knowledge of the law; (v) judicial temperament; and
(vi) a keen awareness of the prevailing milieu or conditions in the society in
which he or she functions. The first two qualities are innate, and the rest may
be acquired. In this regard, I wholly support the Bar’s view that in order to
ensure objectivity in the evaluation of a potential candidate’s suitability for
appointment as Judicial Commissioners, or for confirmation and promotion of
judges, he or she should first be vetted by a worthy and credible selection
board” (now taken to mean a Judicial Appointments Commission).
We certainly have in our midst good judges who, for the sake
of this beloved nation, would inexorably march to their personal calamity in
answer to the call of their immutable genes.
It is an incontrovertible truism that every act of integrity,
compassion, unflinching courage and sacrifice demonstrated to our children would
encourage them to emulate our example. What will matter is how long we will be
remembered, by whom and for what, and whether our children will be proud to
declare the name of their father. Live so that when your children think of
fairness and integrity they think of you. A further observation in that, couples
who are happily married have learnt to live with their spouse with tolerance,
even though their patience might wear thin at times. They have accepted each
other’s faults and are willing to compromise. Life brings unpredictable
circumstances; happiness, sadness, success, disappointments and failure – all
these are part of sharing a life together. You do not need to love your in-laws
if they are unlovable, but your relationship with them must always be fair and
correct. It is wise to always bear in mind that your spouse and children are
watching you - silently.
As there are many good judges here, sitting or retired, who
grace this occasion, I must take this opportunity to venture this comment. The
judiciary has been criticized by members of the public at most functions, even
our friends and secretaries tell us so. But let me say this : our only shield
against such lambasting is to administer justice with good conscience as
reflected in our written judgments. I must congratulate those judges who have
written such good, honest-to-God judgments. It is perhaps appropriate to quote
what Julian Huxley has to say about the eternal permanency of the written word:
“By speech first, but far more by writing, man has been able to put something of
himself beyond death. In tradition and in books an integral part of the
individual persists, for it can influence the minds and action of other people
in different places and at different times: a row of black marks on a page can
move a man to tears, though the bones of him that wrote it are long ago crumbled
to dust”. Since this is true, it would thus follow that our children and grand
children would have to live with the good or the bad that is reflected in our
written judgments. We do not write to please anyone but only the Judge of
History and the Judge of Conscience. It is now obvious to the wise and
perceptive that we are inhabitants of a globalised world governed by the
dictates of an IT driven cyberspace, where there is hardly any shelter for the
corrupt. The above quotation by Julian Huxley was crafted in very potent
language. So also was the following words of the late Rev. Martin Luther King
Jr., a great orator, that will ring in my ears until I draw my last breath: “I
have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where
they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their
character.”
Indeed, I believe that our beloved nation would never be one
nation until the majority of its citizens abide by Rev. Martin Luther King’s
dream. Now, in the context of the institution of marriage, I would add that it
is the character of your spouse that will determine the fullness of the content
of your happiness. It is good to have a way with words, like Martin Luther and
Julian Huxley. It is not so good to have a way with women, because your good
wife would not be happy and you may be accused of being a womanizer or a dead
wood, hence not promoted; of course, the real reason may perhaps be that you do
not have a way with men.
Lots of advice to the married couple from me, but I have a
wish. My wish is that, at the end of a long and fruitful day in their lives
together, my son could hold the same sentiments of his wife as I do of my
beloved – of whom I have this to say, and I say it now before all of you.
Providence has indeed endowed me with the perpetual freshness of her extrinsic
beauty and more importantly, the beauty of her intrinsic character. She is
totally incapable of any rancour or spite to anyone, while generous to a fault
with her abiding love for me and the children. Certain kinks in the character of
most men are often only tempered by the sensitive tact of a perceptive wife.
Talking about irascible men, yet I may be genetically programmed to excel such
men on this score at times. Many husbands think that their good wives are
skillful only on the mundane irrelevant things in life. Little do they realize
that it is precisely the mundane features of life such as the emotional support
derived from wifely companionship through fair and foul weather, that is not
only relevant in this turbulent world, but would keep their husbands on even
keel. Yet if, upon reflections during interludes of quietude, a husband could
appreciate this salutary feature of his relationship, his marriage would develop
into a blissful tryst with destiny. I am indeed fortunate not to have to look
elsewhere for love or solace, being ever so grateful to God for this masterpiece
of His creation, that has so fortuitously come my way, to walk with me, hand in
hand, in my sole and solitary journey through this Earth.
I must thank my honoured guests who have so graciously taken
time off to be present here tonight to grace the occasion. The invitation was
perforce, extended to only such a limited number of our friends. This is a truly
small party where all of you have clearly reciprocated so graciously to my hand
of friendship by being here tonight, mindful that some of my invitees could not
be present due to the sacred call of duty to perform the Haj. This is what I
would call the strength of significance in small numbers. My sincere thanks to
all of you here tonight.
 |
News/Articles 
Subscribe to this comment's feed
Report: LAWASIA Fact-finding Mission to Pakistan
Absolutely brilliant is all that I can say.
Visvanathan Murugiah