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©The Star (Used by permission)
By Tom Hayton

KARATE exponents live by the Japanese maxim: “Karate ni sen te nashi’’, which means ‘‘there is no first attack in karate’’. You never attack someone out of anger. This is why every kata (prearranged form) begins with a defensive block. 

The same applies in writing. If you send a letter, e-mail or SMS in a blaze of fury, you will not meet your objective because anger clouds the mind and coordination goes out of the window. 

For example, let’s say Ling finds out she didn’t get a promotion she was expecting. So she fires off an e-mail to her boss: 

I can’t believe I didn’t get the job. You encouraged me to go for it and gave me the impression I had a good chance. And you gave it to someone with less experience than me. The only course of action I can see is to quit ... 

Ling’s grievance might be justified. Perhaps she really was the best person for the job. But the best possible result she can expect from something like this is to irritate her boss. The worst result could be that her boss replies with the words: 

Fine. Perhaps I can make things easier for you by asking you to clear your desk. 

Ling tried to put pressure on her boss by threatening to leave. There are two problems with this approach. The first is that threats lead to a breakdown in diplomacy. The second is that if the threat is not sincere and the boss decides to “call” the threat, she is committed to following it through – otherwise she will look even more stupid. The net gain is zero. 

So how can Ling respond to the bad news without losing her cool? 

One approach, if she feels really bad, is to go outside, take a piece of paper and write out everything she feels. Then to go back inside and shred it. This might sound like a ridiculous waste of time but it gives her the chance to vent her feelings of frustration and then symbolically destroy these negative vibes.  

Alternatively, she could type out what she feels and save it as a draft, leave it for a few hours until she cools down, and then come back to it. She can then ask herself if she really wants to send something written under the influence of so much adrenalin! 

Ling still feels that she wants to make her feelings known but now that she’s calmed down, she wants to take the initiative and demonstrate all of those positive traits that she felt earned her the chance for a promotion: a proactive attitude, a sense of the big picture, diplomacy, self-awareness and leadership skills. So she writes: 

I’m obviously disappointed I didn’t get the promotion this time round but I appreciate I still have a few things to learn. Perhaps we could sit down some time when you’re free and talk through some areas for improvement?  

Later over coffee, Ling’s boss is talking to one of the directors.  

‘‘I thought Ling took it very well – we need to give her some new responsibilities to make sure she remains motivated. We need to hold on to people like her ...’’ 

Not writing in anger is not about being walked over. It is about responding constructively to the blows life dishes out and preserving your best interest. Of course, there are some rare occasions where you need to get the verbal guns out and stand up for yourself. Just be sure they aren’t pointing at your head! 

Tom Hayton is Acting Director, Professional Development Unit (PDU), at the British Council Malaysia. The PDU offers a wide range of learning opportunities from management and communication skills training to developing English skills. Visit its website at www.britishcouncil.org.my or e-mail thomas.hayton@britishcouncil.org.my

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