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©New Sunday Times (Used by permission)
by Joan Lau

WHEN I was growing up, bad behaviour simply was not tolerated. My parents, grandparents, teachers -- in other words, the key adults in my life -- simply would not stand for it: temper tantrums, pouting, petulance... all verboten!

Don't get me wrong. It was a great childhood. I did not live in fear of being punished and home/school was no concentration camp. Maybe there weren't as many distractions as there are now but we had our own fun nevertheless.

You're wondering what kind of bad behaviour a child could possibly get up to? Obviously you haven't been out much. Just go to your neighbourhood supermarket on a weekend and observe carefully.

Earlier today, I was in the supermarket myself -- not a good idea on a weekend but I had a little grocery emergency -- and as I was heading for the checkout counter, I saw a 3-year-old boy curled up on the floor. Crying.

No, no, he had not been abandoned (although looking at the expression on his exasperated mother's face, the thought must have occurred to her). No, he was just having a tantrum.

Never mind that his behaviour (very bad) was disruptive and plain inconsiderate but, really, it didn't look like this was the first time he had tried this stunt. His mother was completely helpless and it made me wonder just who was in charge here.

Back to my "strict" childhood: well, this would not have been tolerated. If I or any of my siblings had even tried this, we would have been hauled home and not allowed out in public till we learned how to behave.

As a child, I did not feel like my parents/grandparents/teachers were being extra strict on me, though.

This was because every other kid I knew lived by the same rules. We got up to the usual childhood pranks but, you know what, we were never rude, we did not demand toys or snacks, we greeted our teachers and any other adult we came into contact with, and so on.

So what made me think about bad behaviour all of a sudden? Every festive season, the topic of bad/good behaviour often comes up, triggered by the atrocious driving on the roads as people rush home for Raya/Deepavali/Chinese New Year! Sure, there is Ops Sikap but really the horror continues.

Lately, though, it seems to me that this kurang ajar behaviour on the road is no longer confined to festive periods. They are daily occurrences now. So where does this bad behaviour come from?

I, for one, think it's learned. That little boy I saw earlier today curled up on the supermarket floor? He's learning that he can get his mother to do whatever he wants if he throws a tantrum.

Fast forward a few years to when he can drive and chances are, he is going to be an aggressive and selfish driver. If the car in front is too slow, he is going to cut off the guy to get in front. Dangerous? Nah, he's got it under control. I'm sure that is what he tells himself anyway.

There are all kinds of bad behaviour, aren't there? We see it all around us and have ourselves been guilty of quite a bit of it too. At the pasar malam, your favourite restaurant, the office. Everywhere.

I know someone who is probably every restaurateur's nightmare. He would nitpick, send his food back, snap his fingers at the waiters. Awful. The few times I ate with him were enough. Never again.

Then there is Mr Know It All. A generally nice guy, he has this one fatal flaw: he always, always has to have the last word in any conversation. US politics? He knows it inside and out (never mind that he has been caught out a few times). Food? He's the expert. All very tiresome.

Living in the city, you are exposed to bad behaviour the minute you step out of the house. Or sometimes even while you are still in it. Those of us who live in terrace houses know what I mean.

Once we had a neighbour who was into rearing ornamental chickens. Never mind that the little postage stamp-sized front garden was no place for such an enterprise. Suffice to say, it was very disconcerting to live in a terrace house and wake up every morning to a cock crowing.

So, we are all in agreement on the various kinds of bad behaviour and how they really should be curtailed... but what about the kind we cannot see? I think they are even more dangerous. Unkind thoughts, arrogance, hypocrisy.

I have been indulging in a bit of bad behaviour recently. There is this woman in my yoga class. I simply did not take to her from the start. She's kind of annoying and negative -- complains when we have to hold our poses a little longer than normal or refuses to try anything she does not like -- and I have been laughing at her. Inside.

Never mind that you cannot see my bad behaviour. It is still bad. I think my parents/grandparents/teachers -- all those adults who would not have tolerated any bad behaviour in my childhood -- would be appalled.

Yes, I definitely need to modify my behaviour towards her. If I give in to it, who knows where it would lead me? Soon I will be thinking I am better than everybody else and from there, it can only get worse.

Quite simply, there really is no excuse for bad behaviour.

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